Big toad guy killed me. I guess I am ALMOST NOT DEADIBLE. But before I put new will. Very important.

I saw the great five-headed mother. The skulls of all my brethren at her feet. Dragons, young and ancient, flew like small hummingbirds before her towering body. I saw my fallen comrades, the ones devoured before me. The most beautiful of the popsicles. I would take place beside them. Only if I could. I was yanked back to reality. I heard the words and prayers as Garfunkle smiled as I drew breath once more. It was then that I learned about the devil’s smile.

Due to this terrible and non-consensual resurrection. I write new will. As promised, Penbrok will come first this time. But after the one with the many voices.

MANY VOICES. You who had many voices and role-played demons, giants, and all imaginable creatures. I give you this will as a token of appreciation. Let your miniatures collection grow as big as a dragon’s hoard. Let your gatherings always mirror friendship and joy. What are you talking about Penbrok? What do you mean there are no voices? Of course, there are voices. I am not crazy cause I died once.

PENBROK. You, you will get a tale, Penbrok. We will gather many times around a nice bonfire to talk about how we went to hell to get big blue giant back. It is not a short tale, and you will need a much bigger hat if it is yours to keep it.

TONK. Tonk was devoured by Kraken. He alive. Like me. I mean, not like me. In case I day, Tonk will now be president of the SWAG (Swallowed Association Group). It is a group of him and me, although there are openings for those who want a safe space to talk about their bad swallowing experiences. What do you mean, Penbrok? Do you think this is a another of those strange euphemisms that Wardwell keeps laughing about? Okay, add this for clarity: bad swallowing experiences mean being devoured by a large or larger creature and somehow escaping from its bowls or whatever they have in their anatomy.

VOQYS. He said some beautiful words before the blue giant rested in peace. Give him a copy of my will and let him embezzle it. What? What do you mean I don’t know what embezzlement is? Too late. Write it down!

YVONNE. It Looks like the Zehira wingmen made their magic. I don’t have anything to give her, only this bird. Penbrok! Stop it. You cannot interject me in every paragraph of my will. What do you mean Yvonne won’t be happy to receive a caged and skinny bird? Okay, I can feed it, but it needs to be caged. How will I know if this is the same bird I fought so hard to capture or some random bird? I know she likes to talk with birds. Yvone and bird will be friends. Okay, I won’t shake the cage. Let’s continue.

WARDWELL. I am divided. He was a dragon, then became a killer whale, then a dragon again. I don’t know about any dragons who polymorph into a whale. There is only Garfunkle left anyway, so yes. Wardwell, pinata, have my gold and magic items. (pause) This is so anticlimactic. Hmmm. Give Wardwell a magical bus, one full of space where he can ride to the nicest places. Let that guy that he writes fiction about be the bus driver. yeah… yeah… yeah… that Asmodeus. What do you mean they cannot be a bus driver? Did anyone ever ask them?

GARFUNKLE. the deceiver. I give you a lawsuit. The most terrible of the lawsuits! One that will teach you good-doer. Your holy actions are nothing but selfish. I will return to the nice Grandma lady I met when I was not dead and ask her for the foulest of curses. Penbrok! For Tiamat’s sake, stop being the voice of reason. What do you mean Garfunkle healed me so many times? I will think about this, but in the meantime, I am still suing them. It will be worse than the OGL 2.0 drama! Just you wait, Garfunkle. [shakes hand in the air]

ME. Well. I guess I am retiring. If I die again, do not resuscitate. I already have two dead names and three wills. I will just go back to the Spine of the World and see if Augaurath still wants to devour me.

Little did the Kobold know that the dragon liked his company. Augaurath did not want to eat it, same as the dragon never ate any of his brethren. The white wyrm cared for the small kobold village at the bottom of his mountain too much, but it still wanted to impose fear in the poor tribe that so admirably followed it. So imagine the dragon’s surprise when the little Kobold got back full of magic items asking to be devoured. That was interesting, to say the least. Almost Not Deadible would come back for many years to entertain the dragon. Every time, amusing it even more with tales of a league of adventurers as mighty as they were kind. As laughable as they were fearsome. As absurd as they were fierce and clever. This, however, is another tale.

Thanks for having me as a player.